so, as previously and somewhat embarassingly mentioned, I've been a stressbag as of late. I was in a vitamin store and saw a cleanse to reduce stress/cortisol, and thought "hell yes, that's for me", and bought it. fully intending to eat better while on it.
breakfast was right on track. then enter lunch.
let me say this: I don't dig the olive garden. it's expensive for what it is, there are virtually no grain-free options that don't involve salad (that I saw, anyway, but what do I expect from an italian place?), and the best thing is those goddamn breadsticks. anyway, pasta and breadsticks later, I rolled out of there feeling like I could nap for about a year. gross. I still took the cleanse supplements though.
anyway...hopefully day 2 will be more of a success.
ALSO...I saw alice in chains with the deftones and mastodon this past week. OUTSTANDING show. AIC's set in the spring was a bit better, though they played we die young this time, and I love that song. deftones stole the show. mastadon was face-meltingly awesome. overall, very much concerty goodness.
the next night, I saw the devin townsend project. all I can say is WOW. he's as amazing live as ever, makes the most crazy faces ever on stage, and has an incredible voice. the show was AMAZING. if you have the opportunity to see him, SEE HIM. beg, borrow, or steal.
Monday, October 11, 2010
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
ugh, seriously?
generally, I get depressed in the fall. I'm not sure if it's from the weather change/lack of daylight, or because my dad died (horribly traumatically for me, of course) in the fall and my brain just runs with it, or what. but it does happen yearly. usually I feel ok again mid winter, spring comes and I feel better, then it lifts more or less.
this past year, it didn't lift. not the way it usually does.
anyway, I've been trying to just kind of sit with it and not analyze it (HAHAHA, it's impossible for me not to get all analytical), and the only conclusions I've come to are that:
a. it SUCKS
b. sitting with it makes me feel even more disconnected and alienated from everyone
c. sitting with it doesn't make it better
d. sitting with it doesn't really make it worse
e. I need to go back to my counselor the moment I can afford it
f. I HAVE to figure out something independent to do for work
g. it SUCKS
sitting with a real feeling of not belonging ANYWHERE or with ANYONE is strange. strangeness underlined when old friends find you on facebook and are like "you look like you're really happy and enjoying life!" well...nobody posts pics of themselves looking as depressed as they feel unless they're going for a, an undue amount of attention, or b, they don't care if people think they're crazy moody. I figure, tough snot for me, why should I heap my bad mood on the world at large (except for written form, HAAAA)?
the work thing is bugging me out too. the HR manager, when I left my position as HR secretary (a job that was so unsuited to me that nobody could figure out how I was able to stay in it for as long as I did), said to me "you really need to be doing something creative." OH THANKS. she's right, 100%, but that's totally unhelpful advice. I have NO idea what to do. I'm ok at a lot of things, but not super awesome (in my opinion) at any of it. the job I'm in now is a zillion times better, I enjoy it most of the time, the location constantly changes so I can't get TOO bored, and I love that I'm around children a lot at my job. they're hilarious. but it's still tedious and stupid at times. and I'm just not like the other secretaries...I don't dress like them, my hair refuses to be neat, sweater sets make me want to cry, yogurt makes me feel sick, I think low-fat eating ruined my hormonal levels as a young teen and want nothing to do with it now, I don't have my own kids, I don't ever think about my fiber intake, and if I did, I sure as hell wouldn't converse about it with coworkers in the staff room. etc. ad nauseum. it's not like they're not nice ladies, they're pretty uniformly great, sweet people, but I've only really come across one that I felt any kinship with. she's a sarcastic pottymouth too, and working with her was awesome.
but I digress.
so yeah...that's where I'm at. this shit has overshadowed conversations, concerts, visits, weddings, and life in general. maybe antidepressants wouldn't be the worst thing in the world in the short-term. because going a year without any extended periods of feeling like myself has left me not even sure what feeling like myself even feels like at all. except I'm too sensitive thanks to all this crap, and I hate it.
no more emo posts again for awhile. I kind of promise.
this past year, it didn't lift. not the way it usually does.
anyway, I've been trying to just kind of sit with it and not analyze it (HAHAHA, it's impossible for me not to get all analytical), and the only conclusions I've come to are that:
a. it SUCKS
b. sitting with it makes me feel even more disconnected and alienated from everyone
c. sitting with it doesn't make it better
d. sitting with it doesn't really make it worse
e. I need to go back to my counselor the moment I can afford it
f. I HAVE to figure out something independent to do for work
g. it SUCKS
sitting with a real feeling of not belonging ANYWHERE or with ANYONE is strange. strangeness underlined when old friends find you on facebook and are like "you look like you're really happy and enjoying life!" well...nobody posts pics of themselves looking as depressed as they feel unless they're going for a, an undue amount of attention, or b, they don't care if people think they're crazy moody. I figure, tough snot for me, why should I heap my bad mood on the world at large (except for written form, HAAAA)?
the work thing is bugging me out too. the HR manager, when I left my position as HR secretary (a job that was so unsuited to me that nobody could figure out how I was able to stay in it for as long as I did), said to me "you really need to be doing something creative." OH THANKS. she's right, 100%, but that's totally unhelpful advice. I have NO idea what to do. I'm ok at a lot of things, but not super awesome (in my opinion) at any of it. the job I'm in now is a zillion times better, I enjoy it most of the time, the location constantly changes so I can't get TOO bored, and I love that I'm around children a lot at my job. they're hilarious. but it's still tedious and stupid at times. and I'm just not like the other secretaries...I don't dress like them, my hair refuses to be neat, sweater sets make me want to cry, yogurt makes me feel sick, I think low-fat eating ruined my hormonal levels as a young teen and want nothing to do with it now, I don't have my own kids, I don't ever think about my fiber intake, and if I did, I sure as hell wouldn't converse about it with coworkers in the staff room. etc. ad nauseum. it's not like they're not nice ladies, they're pretty uniformly great, sweet people, but I've only really come across one that I felt any kinship with. she's a sarcastic pottymouth too, and working with her was awesome.
but I digress.
so yeah...that's where I'm at. this shit has overshadowed conversations, concerts, visits, weddings, and life in general. maybe antidepressants wouldn't be the worst thing in the world in the short-term. because going a year without any extended periods of feeling like myself has left me not even sure what feeling like myself even feels like at all. except I'm too sensitive thanks to all this crap, and I hate it.
no more emo posts again for awhile. I kind of promise.
Friday, September 3, 2010
the diners, drive-ins and dives drinking game!
IT'LL GET YOU DRUNK.
TAKE ONE DRINK when guy fieri...
...refers to the show as "triple D" or any glib shortened version of its name
...points out food on his face
...diverts the owner's attention away so he can grab a bite of something
...says something is "off the hook" or "off the chain"
...uses the word "tender"
...speaks to slack jawed locals in said restaurant
...shows amazement at a piece of uncooked brisket, then another drink if he shows amazement at the same cooked one
...calls anyone "dude"
...talks with his mouth full
TAKE TWO DRINKS when guy...
...says "that's money"
...has trouble saying positive things about what he's just eaten
...refers to keeping his shirt clean
...is clearly shown wearing flip flops
...sits at a table with restaurant regulars
...acts like he minds helping cook
...comments on a sauce "tightening up"
specials:
- if guy says "winner winner chicken dinner" or any form of it, or anything else that rhymes (eg. "moo moo buckaroo"), finish your drink.
- if guy gives the camera a look after tricking the owner of said dive into saying something dirty or making a dirty gesture, finish your drink.
- if guy is struggling to eat something and is bracing himself, finish your drink.
- when the term "flavour country" is used, finish your drink. if it's preceded by "driving/taking the bus to", finish your drink and take a sip out of the next one.
TAKE ONE DRINK when guy fieri...
...refers to the show as "triple D" or any glib shortened version of its name
...points out food on his face
...diverts the owner's attention away so he can grab a bite of something
...says something is "off the hook" or "off the chain"
...uses the word "tender"
...speaks to slack jawed locals in said restaurant
...shows amazement at a piece of uncooked brisket, then another drink if he shows amazement at the same cooked one
...calls anyone "dude"
...talks with his mouth full
TAKE TWO DRINKS when guy...
...says "that's money"
...has trouble saying positive things about what he's just eaten
...refers to keeping his shirt clean
...is clearly shown wearing flip flops
...sits at a table with restaurant regulars
...acts like he minds helping cook
...comments on a sauce "tightening up"
specials:
- if guy says "winner winner chicken dinner" or any form of it, or anything else that rhymes (eg. "moo moo buckaroo"), finish your drink.
- if guy gives the camera a look after tricking the owner of said dive into saying something dirty or making a dirty gesture, finish your drink.
- if guy is struggling to eat something and is bracing himself, finish your drink.
- when the term "flavour country" is used, finish your drink. if it's preceded by "driving/taking the bus to", finish your drink and take a sip out of the next one.
Sunday, August 8, 2010
yawn.
proof: you CAN have too much of a good thing.
the past four days/nights have been amazing good times, up too late, not sleeping in enough, etc etc.
so today I feel ungrounded and exhausted. I guess I'll just like...have a nap.
/super exciting blog post.
btw, steel panther ruled this time.
the past four days/nights have been amazing good times, up too late, not sleeping in enough, etc etc.
so today I feel ungrounded and exhausted. I guess I'll just like...have a nap.
/super exciting blog post.
btw, steel panther ruled this time.
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
ok, steel panther. justify my love.
alrighty, so I'm seeing them AGAIN tomorrow. I've seen them twice over the course of a month. if it weren't for the hilarity, I wouldn't go back so much. hell, I should really sell my own ticket as I'm pretty broke right now, but I'm still gonna go. won't be on satchel's side this time though. too many creepy chicks.
anyway.
anyway.
Sunday, August 1, 2010
notes to people who will never read them.
- I wish I could forgive you. I have incredibly vivid dreams where we're talking and I forgive you and everything's great. then I wake up. and I remember what you pulled and the beyond-belief agony I suffered as a result, and I'm angry all over again. as if I didn't have enough trouble trusting people in the first place. you don't like to call it betrayal, but it absolutely was.
I guess our long-term friendship ended up being a lesson to me that karma can be a huge fucking joke.
btw, I now only ever refer to you as "the despicable cunt", and I truly wish I had stronger words to describe you.
- you're starting to bug me, and I feel guilty about it somehow.
- I could hug you for days. :) also, you're brilliant, and witty, and I'd spend wayyy more time with you if I could.
- I'm grateful and happy that you're in my life. I felt like I knew you for years the first time we met, and that's awesome.
- falling out of love with you was awesome. now you can pull all your weird crap that I always forgave due to your POETIC, THENTHITIVE SOUL, and I don't give a fuck.
- I think about kissing you. a lot. often.
- I'm always super glad that you're my friend and we ended up as close as we are. you're a stellar individual, and so is your other half.
you know, the amount of do-overs I could use in my life is staggering. hahahaha!
I guess our long-term friendship ended up being a lesson to me that karma can be a huge fucking joke.
btw, I now only ever refer to you as "the despicable cunt", and I truly wish I had stronger words to describe you.
- you're starting to bug me, and I feel guilty about it somehow.
- I could hug you for days. :) also, you're brilliant, and witty, and I'd spend wayyy more time with you if I could.
- I'm grateful and happy that you're in my life. I felt like I knew you for years the first time we met, and that's awesome.
- falling out of love with you was awesome. now you can pull all your weird crap that I always forgave due to your POETIC, THENTHITIVE SOUL, and I don't give a fuck.
- I think about kissing you. a lot. often.
- I'm always super glad that you're my friend and we ended up as close as we are. you're a stellar individual, and so is your other half.
you know, the amount of do-overs I could use in my life is staggering. hahahaha!
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
content warning
it's not likely I'll ever post porn (in fact, unless it's hilarious, I won't bother, and if I did it would come withe a NSFW warning). but I have a terrible propensity for swearing, especially if I'm irritated, and I like to write when I'm irritated. thus, the content warning. which I'm thinking of giving the axe.
hope that doesn't disappoint anyone. heh.
speaking of swearing, I saw the awesome and hilarious doug stanhope this weekend, and laughed my face into total soreness. there were so many good bits that I couldn't even commit them to memory.
apparently his shows are a crapshoot though, the last time he was in town, he got WASTED before he went on, and a good friend of mine described the show as being "like watching someone completely self-destruct on stage". luckily, our show was stellar. he killed.
BLORT!
hope that doesn't disappoint anyone. heh.
speaking of swearing, I saw the awesome and hilarious doug stanhope this weekend, and laughed my face into total soreness. there were so many good bits that I couldn't even commit them to memory.
apparently his shows are a crapshoot though, the last time he was in town, he got WASTED before he went on, and a good friend of mine described the show as being "like watching someone completely self-destruct on stage". luckily, our show was stellar. he killed.
BLORT!
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