oh HI cleanse!

so, as previously and somewhat embarassingly mentioned, I've been a stressbag as of late. I was in a vitamin store and saw a cleanse to reduce stress/cortisol, and thought "hell yes, that's for me", and bought it. fully intending to eat better while on it.

breakfast was right on track. then enter lunch.

let me say this: I don't dig the olive garden. it's expensive for what it is, there are virtually no grain-free options that don't involve salad (that I saw, anyway, but what do I expect from an italian place?), and the best thing is those goddamn breadsticks. anyway, pasta and breadsticks later, I rolled out of there feeling like I could nap for about a year. gross. I still took the cleanse supplements though.

anyway...hopefully day 2 will be more of a success.

ALSO...I saw alice in chains with the deftones and mastodon this past week. OUTSTANDING show. AIC's set in the spring was a bit better, though they played we die young this time, and I love that song. deftones stole the show. mastadon was face-meltingly awesome. overall, very much concerty goodness.

the next night, I saw the devin townsend project. all I can say is WOW. he's as amazing live as ever, makes the most crazy faces ever on stage, and has an incredible voice. the show was AMAZING. if you have the opportunity to see him, SEE HIM. beg, borrow, or steal.

ugh, seriously?

generally, I get depressed in the fall. I'm not sure if it's from the weather change/lack of daylight, or because my dad died (horribly traumatically for me, of course) in the fall and my brain just runs with it, or what. but it does happen yearly. usually I feel ok again mid winter, spring comes and I feel better, then it lifts more or less.

this past year, it didn't lift. not the way it usually does.

anyway, I've been trying to just kind of sit with it and not analyze it (HAHAHA, it's impossible for me not to get all analytical), and the only conclusions I've come to are that:

a. it SUCKS
b. sitting with it makes me feel even more disconnected and alienated from everyone
c. sitting with it doesn't make it better
d. sitting with it doesn't really make it worse
e. I need to go back to my counselor the moment I can afford it
f. I HAVE to figure out something independent to do for work
g. it SUCKS

sitting with a real feeling of not belonging ANYWHERE or with ANYONE is strange. strangeness underlined when old friends find you on facebook and are like "you look like you're really happy and enjoying life!" well...nobody posts pics of themselves looking as depressed as they feel unless they're going for a, an undue amount of attention, or b, they don't care if people think they're crazy moody. I figure, tough snot for me, why should I heap my bad mood on the world at large (except for written form, HAAAA)?

the work thing is bugging me out too. the HR manager, when I left my position as HR secretary (a job that was so unsuited to me that nobody could figure out how I was able to stay in it for as long as I did), said to me "you really need to be doing something creative." OH THANKS. she's right, 100%, but that's totally unhelpful advice. I have NO idea what to do. I'm ok at a lot of things, but not super awesome (in my opinion) at any of it. the job I'm in now is a zillion times better, I enjoy it most of the time, the location constantly changes so I can't get TOO bored, and I love that I'm around children a lot at my job. they're hilarious. but it's still tedious and stupid at times. and I'm just not like the other secretaries...I don't dress like them, my hair refuses to be neat, sweater sets make me want to cry, yogurt makes me feel sick, I think low-fat eating ruined my hormonal levels as a young teen and want nothing to do with it now, I don't have my own kids, I don't ever think about my fiber intake, and if I did, I sure as hell wouldn't converse about it with coworkers in the staff room. etc. ad nauseum. it's not like they're not nice ladies, they're pretty uniformly great, sweet people, but I've only really come across one that I felt any kinship with. she's a sarcastic pottymouth too, and working with her was awesome.

but I digress.

so yeah...that's where I'm at. this shit has overshadowed conversations, concerts, visits, weddings, and life in general. maybe antidepressants wouldn't be the worst thing in the world in the short-term. because going a year without any extended periods of feeling like myself has left me not even sure what feeling like myself even feels like at all. except I'm too sensitive thanks to all this crap, and I hate it.

no more emo posts again for awhile. I kind of promise.

the diners, drive-ins and dives drinking game!

IT'LL GET YOU DRUNK.



TAKE ONE DRINK when guy fieri...

...refers to the show as "triple D" or any glib shortened version of its name

...points out food on his face

...diverts the owner's attention away so he can grab a bite of something

...says something is "off the hook" or "off the chain"

...uses the word "tender"

...speaks to slack jawed locals in said restaurant

...shows amazement at a piece of uncooked brisket, then another drink if he shows amazement at the same cooked one

...calls anyone "dude"

...talks with his mouth full



TAKE TWO DRINKS when guy...

...says "that's money"

...has trouble saying positive things about what he's just eaten

...refers to keeping his shirt clean

...is clearly shown wearing flip flops

...sits at a table with restaurant regulars

...acts like he minds helping cook

...comments on a sauce "tightening up"



specials:

- if guy says "winner winner chicken dinner" or any form of it, or anything else that rhymes (eg. "moo moo buckaroo"), finish your drink.

- if guy gives the camera a look after tricking the owner of said dive into saying something dirty or making a dirty gesture, finish your drink.

- if guy is struggling to eat something and is bracing himself, finish your drink.

- when the term "flavour country" is used, finish your drink. if it's preceded by "driving/taking the bus to", finish your drink and take a sip out of the next one.

yawn.

proof: you CAN have too much of a good thing.

the past four days/nights have been amazing good times, up too late, not sleeping in enough, etc etc.

so today I feel ungrounded and exhausted. I guess I'll just like...have a nap.

/super exciting blog post.

btw, steel panther ruled this time.

ok, steel panther. justify my love.

alrighty, so I'm seeing them AGAIN tomorrow. I've seen them twice over the course of a month. if it weren't for the hilarity, I wouldn't go back so much. hell, I should really sell my own ticket as I'm pretty broke right now, but I'm still gonna go. won't be on satchel's side this time though. too many creepy chicks.

anyway.

notes to people who will never read them.

- I wish I could forgive you. I have incredibly vivid dreams where we're talking and I forgive you and everything's great. then I wake up. and I remember what you pulled and the beyond-belief agony I suffered as a result, and I'm angry all over again. as if I didn't have enough trouble trusting people in the first place. you don't like to call it betrayal, but it absolutely was.

I guess our long-term friendship ended up being a lesson to me that karma can be a huge fucking joke.

btw, I now only ever refer to you as "the despicable cunt", and I truly wish I had stronger words to describe you.

- you're starting to bug me, and I feel guilty about it somehow.

- I could hug you for days. :) also, you're brilliant, and witty, and I'd spend wayyy more time with you if I could.

- I'm grateful and happy that you're in my life. I felt like I knew you for years the first time we met, and that's awesome.

- falling out of love with you was awesome. now you can pull all your weird crap that I always forgave due to your POETIC, THENTHITIVE SOUL, and I don't give a fuck.

- I think about kissing you. a lot. often.

- I'm always super glad that you're my friend and we ended up as close as we are. you're a stellar individual, and so is your other half.


you know, the amount of do-overs I could use in my life is staggering. hahahaha!

content warning

it's not likely I'll ever post porn (in fact, unless it's hilarious, I won't bother, and if I did it would come withe a NSFW warning). but I have a terrible propensity for swearing, especially if I'm irritated, and I like to write when I'm irritated. thus, the content warning. which I'm thinking of giving the axe.

hope that doesn't disappoint anyone. heh.

speaking of swearing, I saw the awesome and hilarious doug stanhope this weekend, and laughed my face into total soreness. there were so many good bits that I couldn't even commit them to memory.

apparently his shows are a crapshoot though, the last time he was in town, he got WASTED before he went on, and a good friend of mine described the show as being "like watching someone completely self-destruct on stage". luckily, our show was stellar. he killed.

BLORT!

I don't know why

...but I find this fucking hilarious:

http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/413505

I've never seen a nick manning porno (that I know of anyway), but now I'll have to check it out for the yellings.

TAKE YOUR FUCKING!!!

unexpected awesomeness: the coup

huzzah!

I'd heard the coup before (not live) and quite liked a few of their songs, but wouldn't say they were one of my favourite bands of their genre (hip hop, if you didn't know). boots riley, mighty frontman, had opened for tom morello and we caught him a couple of times. his acoustic versions of coup songs were soooo good, and the street sweeper social club stuff is great as well.

then I saw the coup live.

as a live act, they lean way more heavily to the funk side of things, with a bit of rock even thrown in. boots riley is an absolutely solid performer, female vocalist silk-e is amazing, and the rest of the band, especially the bassist, were incredible. they were engaging, fun, intense, and totally impressed me. absolutely impossible to stand still watching them. even songs that I didn't care for on disc sounded amazing. and the crowd was completely digging them, myself included!

HIGHLY RECOMMEND. if you like funk music at all, jump at the chance to see the coup!

unexpected disappointment: steel panther

I hate to say it.

let me preface this by saying I'd seen them 4 times already, and was totally impressed (obviously, since I kept going back). they are an awesome live band/comedy act, and usually a good time is had by all.

not this past time.

they played at the mighty commodore ballroom, fantastic venue. so that is always a plus.

my problems with the show:

1. songs - they played my two least favourite songs (eyes of a panther, and stripper girl). they also didn't play girl from oklahoma, which is a fricking awesome song and always goes over well.
they also played don't stop believing, and while the mid-20s set lost their fucking minds, I was annoyed. JOURNEY IS NOT METAL. that age range loves them because they're too young to remember what a lame douchebag steve perry was.

2. banter - they recycle jokes here and there, sure, but usually there's more off the cuff hilarity, mostly courtesy of satchel. it was lacking a bit this night.

3. girls - having them up on stage for a song or two is fine. but for most of the show? blocking our view of the band with their lame dancing? fuuuuck. like, we did not pay $36 to see your thoroughly mediocre asses up there, flailing about like a bunch of assholes. get. off. the. stage. they didn't even all show their boobs. not that I care personally, but that's typically why they get girls up there. I really hope they kick them all off sooner next time.

4. the crowd: generally, steel panther shows are happy places to be. not this time. we were in a pocket of the cuntiest people of all time. totally entitled, annoying, bitchy chicks from pillar to post in our section (except us of course, because we're like...SOOOOO great, hah). anyway, it was really annoying, and definitely took the shine off of being there at all.

5. cameras: there were huge cameras in front, impeding the view almost as much as the trampy idiots on stage.

I HATE giving them a bad review, but this was just not a good night. everyone is entitled to an off night, I guess. I'm still going to see them twice more this summer. I just hope it's better than this one.

ok, so I suck as a blogger

it's true.

I have multiple blogs hanging out in cyberspace, never to be updated again. well, mostly. it's like I get a rush of new energy to write and clear my mental cobwebs by writing ridiculous crap, but of course I CAN'T go back to the old blog, goodness no. so I start new blogs, get into it, crap happens, I lose interest/get weird guilt associations with not blogging "properly" and that's that.

the other problem is that I think of every good possible thing to write while driving, then forget pretty quickly. note to self: use voice notes on iphone and stop being a dick.

anyway.

so here's how I end up giving myself a manicure (or rather, just applying nail polish):

1. forget to do anything with cuticles
2. start painting. notice cuticles. get annoyed, but talk myself into just accepting that my cuticles like to come up the nail bed a bit, and it's not a horrid deformity that people will judge me over (except manicurists. fuck you guys).
3. get nail polish on cuticles. grit teeth.
4. immediately get an itchy head. nick newly polished nail grabbing a chopstick/pen/etc to scratch head with. swear.
5. get annoyed, wonder why I bothered to paint my nails in the first place since I cook a lot and don't want polish chips in everything I cook.
6. erroneously think nails are dry. scratch head.
7. notice hair prints on nails. hate life.
8. add one more coat of nail polish, thinking this will fix things.
9. realize that gummy nails won't dry.
10. suddenly have to pee like my life depends on it. still with wet nails.
11. swear off fingernail polish.

it's this or a variant thereof. without fail though, wet nails cause my head to itch.

yay work

so here I am, rather pointlessly at work. alone. in the parking lot, feeling genuine resentment over getting up sufficiently early to be here on time, playing the role of Responsible Adult. nobody is here, and now I look like a lurking creep, hanging out in front of an elementary school.

I know I lied and said that I'd post about why getting older sucks, but I can't be arsed to post it from my phone.

speaking of which, I am, for the short rest of this post, going to allow every spelling correction it offers, just for shits and giggles.

Anyhow. Timing is key when working in this area of town, as the highway is a major route for huge horrid trucks. More later.

now what?

firstly, happy canada day! canada, how I love you.

now then.

last night I went to see a band I haven't seen (or really liked) since I was maybe 21 or so (far too many moons ago indeed). econoline crush. the vancouver music scene was booming in the 90s, and these dudes were all over it. seriously...I ran into the singer so often at so many different shows that he knew me by name. which was pointless, really.

anyhoo.

so we saw them last night at venue, which I like more than 95% of the chachi douchey hellhole bars in the area. they came out and...well, it's just not the same. the crowd dug it, the singer was into it, etc, but...time passes, and some people get strange botox. I'm just saying.

what I don't remember from their earlier performances, when they were a bit more of an industrial act, was the faces the singer made. my bff summed it up succinctly by saying it was "weird and hard to watch". no argument here. he would stick his (rather long) tongue out and wave it about lasciviously. GROSS. and odd pelvic thrusts at odd times. it was the more socially acceptable version of himself being up there with his dick and one ball hanging out of his pants. that might have been easier to ignore and not be offended by, actually. but STILL...gah! it was distracting.

that said, they sounded alright. we didn't pay to get in, otherwise I'd have been home trying to sleep off my insanely sore neck (which didn't work once I finally got to bed).

next post: why getting old SUCKS.

hi, hello, hi.

well, this blog is off to a Fucking Great Start.

who'd have thought that it's as hard to find an original blogspot address as it is to find an original address on hotmail? barring grievous misspellings, I mean.

it seems like the only time i can write is when i'm pissed off or annoyed. once in awhile when overly happy, but yeah, i write better when it's about things that get my ire up.

anyway, hello. :)